Time

Hello!

This week's blog will be utterly boring and for that, I apologize. I haven't done a single interesting thing.

I was hanging out with some good friends last week at their house and I borderline idolize these guys. They are so cool. I think what makes them so cool is that they unapologetically like the things that they like. And I want to be like that. Does that make sense?

They make pottery and play a ton of instruments and listen to jazz and fly drones. Their house is a reflection of who they are as a family and it's so beautiful because it's interesting. It's who they are.

I know that technically we're all grown ups, but when I'm around them, I feel like a little kid who wants to be just like them when I grow up. I think I'm slowly getting there. I'm starting to learn what I like and do the things I enjoy, but finding those things is hard and kind of scary. I guess, how will you know what you like unless you try it? The thing is though, that trying things requires stepping outside that comfort zone and that's not easy.

Annnnndd, that concludes the things I've done lately. Get ready for a ramble.

I read once that the reason days seem to go by faster as you get older is purely mathematical. When you're ten and a year goes by, that one year is 1/10 of your life. A whole 10% of your total experience was had in that one year. However, when you're 50 and a year goes by, that one year is 1/50 of your life. A whole 2% of your total experience was had in that one year. 2% is considerably less than 10%. Each day is then a smaller and smaller part of the whole and seems to go by faster and faster.

This year especially, I truly feel that time is moving faster. It's amazing to me how often weekends come and go. I remember thinking Friday would never come, but nowadays, it surprises me that the week is already almost over.

I feel two ways about this-- firstly, how nice it is to have weekends so often, but also, how scary it is that my parts-of-the-whole will inevitably continue to get smaller. Do you think that's a good thing? Maybe, it means you've (probably) experienced more things, but I can't help but feel that it comes with some loss. (Of what? I don't know. Enthusiasm? Zest for life? Wonder?)

Sure, maybe everyday brings something new, but after 80 years of something new, does it get a bit mundane? I'm 56 years from knowing how 80 feels, but it worries me that sometime before then I'll lose... something. (Or maybe as the days get "shorter" I won't be able to appreciate them as I experience them? Or I won't have the same capacity then to appreciate the days as I do now? Does capacity-to-experience fade (or lessen)? Is there a limit-- can we infinitely experience?)

Maybe this isn't coming across the way I want it to. It's not so much that I think life will eventually be boring, it's that I can't wrap my mind around the changes that will come and how I'll feel when they do. That sentence feels more accurate. Time confuses the heck out of me.

I didn't figure out a single thing while writing that, and I cut so much of it because it didn't even make sense to me. Hopefully it was somewhat intelligible. Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

What a life we live(?).