Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Back at Home


It's a little bit strange to greet you with that instead of Bonjour :) (Sometimes I still get the urge to call out "au revoir" as I'm leaving the store, but I resist.)

Life back in America has been nice. The milk, the make-up aisles, the wide open spaces-- these are the things I've been loving since I've been back.

The jet lag was pretty bad the first few days, but I think I adjusted fairly quickly. I spent a few very early mornings on Netflix, but I was finally able to truly sleep in the next weekend.

I am genuinely happy to be back here in Idaho. I needed some familiarity, some normal. I loved the adventured of Europe, but I needed to get back to the boring for a while. That sounds awful, I know, but it was getting to the point where I was just worn out from it all, and now I'm recuperating.

I've noticed, however, that many things that I loved before I left have lost their sparkle for me. Many things are dull. The word that keeps running through my mind is "lackluster." And I think that's understandable. Compared to what I've been doing for the past 9 months, things here are noticeably more boring, and that's ok.

I feel like I'm in a stage of rediscovery. I don't know what I like anymore. I don't know who I am. I can't decide what my style is, and I'm not sure what I want to do. I may have said this before, but I thought I would figure some things out over there, but instead, I've returned feeling even more lost than I did when I left.

A few days ago I started cleaning out my closet. When I left for France, I left behind about half of my wardrobe, so it was in sore need of cleaning. As I started sorting through my clothes, I realized that most of the things I had left behind I didn't even like anymore. Even some of the clothes I took with my I didn't like. I ended up with about a third of the clothes that I started with because I knew I simply wouldn't wear the other two thirds if I had kept them. That's just one example of the changes I felt since I've been home.

It's been really hard adjusting to the people around me too. Even though I talked to my friends and family a bunch when I was gone, I still came home having missed out on 9 months of their lives. I felt like many of them had moved on without me. I don't blame them, of course, because I did the same thing, but it kind of sucks.

I traveled down to Cedar City, Utah last weekend to see my friends and family there and I can't even tell you how good it was to be around my people again. I'm so thankful that I ended up going to school there because I have truly fallen in love with the area. I love the people and I love my church family there-- it's what keeps me going back year after year.

I got to spend the weekend with my nephews and spent some quality time with my girlfriends. I got to hug all of my youth kids and that made my heart happy. I'm so anxious to move back in August so that I can get to know everyone again. I keep telling myself that 9 months isn't that long, but right now, it feels like it was. I missed so much.

All of that being said, I don't regret for one second going to France, and I never will. I grew in ways that I probably couldn't have grown here, and learned so much about the world and myself. To me, that is priceless.

I don't mean for this to sound gloomy, I'm just trying to be honest, and quite honestly, writing this down has been therapeutic for me.

It hasn't been all hard of course. I've fallen back into the rhythm of things at the farm. I look forward to going out there every day because I love to be in the fields working on stuff. Sometimes it's hot and awful, but it's very fulfilling to me. I never would have guessed that this would be something I enjoyed so much!

I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up, but I had a few things to figure out before I could write it all down. From here on, I'm planning on updating the blog about once a month. (If you're interested, please continue reading, but I warn you, it might not be as interesting as it has been!)

That's all I've got for now!

Until next time,