Hello!
It's been a busy two weeks since I last wrote. Last Wednesday was spent on the road!
My grandpa passed away over the weekend, so I made a trip to Texas for the funeral. It was a beautiful service. I cried through the singing of the hymns, but what really got me was the burial and the poem that was read by my uncle. Even when I read it now, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly sad, but also proud of the legacy my grandpa left. The poem so perfectly encapsulated his life, his work, and his family. The poem is 'Close the Gate' by Nancy Kraayenhof, and the last line reads:
Your labor is done, your home is now heaven; no more must you wait.
Your legacy lives on, your love of the land, and we will close the gate.
I wish it had been under different circumstances, but it was so good to spend time with that side of the family. Now that all the cousins are older, it's hard to get together, so I cherish the time I'm able to spend with them. I also got to spend some time with old and best friends, and that's always amazing. Friendships that last the time and distance that ours have are worth holding on to.
I returned to Cedar City Wednesday night, then turned around Friday afternoon and left again. This time the destination was Moab! I'd never been, and I'm so ready to go back. My mom and I were there to run the Canyonlands Half Marathon. The town of Moab is so fun. There are shops all along main street, and there's a winery, a brewery, and a distillery! Next time, I want to spend time there and take tours of them all.
The half marathon was so incredibly hard. It was very windy and hilly. Around mile 11 I started falling apart, mentally and physically. Running that far is incredibly painful (I think), and it's frustrating because even though there's only 2 miles left, those 2 miles feel like they're never going to end. I was honestly running down the highway fighting back tears because I was so upset with myself. The run sucked, but it's over now and I'm glad I did it.
This was the last week of Improv Class and it was good one! We started with a dance game, which is scary, because I cannot dance. (I'm looking for a dance class because I feel this is something I should be better at.) Every week I surprise myself with the stuff I'm willing to do with these people. It's so cool how we created a safe space together and at the end of these 5 weeks, I'm happy to call them friends.
The rest of the time we played a game where 4 people "build" a scene by describing the room and describing the things in the room. Then, two other people play within the scene. These scenes lasted longer than I'd been on stage previously. The first scene I played took place in an interrogation room that was decorated for Christmas. I was the criminal, handcuffed to the table, and opposite me was a nervous cop on her first day on the job. She was trying to get me to confess to a murder, but I was too occupied by the Christmas cookies and claiming my innocence. The second scene, Heather and I played that she welcomed me to her Airbnb, but it was very dirty and she had 7 cats, and I was allergic to cats. She also self-taxidermied one of her cats that had recently died.
I think what's fun about Improv is that it's so surprising what you'll come up with, and you never know what the other person is going to do or say. That used to really scare me, but now I see it as something great. Really funny scenarios can come out of it!
I was initially relieved that tonight was the last class, but now I'm kind of sad. The next round of classes starts in April and I can't wait to start again. After class, Heather asked if I would be taking the next round, and I told her that this class is too good for me to stop. All I'm doing is playing with a bunch of other adults on a stage, but I can see actual evidence of how this class has made a positive effect in my real life.
Never before would I have said this, but I would encourage any person to take a class like this one. I believe it helps with communication and confidence, and everybody could use a little help in those areas!
I'm so happy to be in a place where this is available to me, and so happy I have friends who encourage me to step out and do things that scare me.
What a life we live.
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Follow the Fear
Hey there!
I might sound like a broken record, but I'm here to talk about Improv again! (Because I literally just got home from it, and it's fresh on mind.) (I'm also feeling very proud of myself, and I'd like to bask in that before the inevitable self doubt plagues my sleep tonight.)
This week's class was amazing. We amped it up and only did one group game, then did nearly 2 hrs of straight up Improv-- just two people on a black stage, making up a story in front of other people. Do you know how exhilarating/terrifying that is?
The scenes started at 15 seconds, and when you haven't been on stage, 15 seconds feels like an eternity. Seriously, in my first scene, I was looking over at the guy with the timer, like, dude, I know time's up, I need you to call it.
Just when I thought I'd survived the worst of the night, they doubled the time we spent on stage. 30 seconds is (wait for it) even longer than 15. But I did it! (I even did it more than once, which is a big step forward for me.)
AND THEN THEY DOUBLE IT. And you have to play for a full minute. But it was so good! And once I'd be exposed to 15, then 30 seconds, 60 seconds no longer felt like it would never end. In fact, I was surprised when the timer guy told me to stop.
It truly was a good time. I think part of why it's so fun is that every single person in the room is entirely supportive of every choice you make on stage. (I honestly think that they're equally as uncomfortable as I am, but much better at hiding it.) We ended with a strange game where we could only talk in numbers, and it was meant to teach that it doesn't matter so much what you're saying, but how you say it and how committed you are to the scene.
Commitment was the theme of the class, and I'm confident I fully committed during those 2 hours and came out stronger on the other side.
I was looking at one of the teachers' tattoos while he was talking (low-key not listening and very distracted), and what it said may have changed my life. It was a ship wheel with a banner across the center that read, "Follow the Fear." I've heard similar things, like 'do what scares you', but I'd never seen it written that way. I'm still processing exactly what that could mean in my life (because it could mean very big things).
I think I'm sometimes good at doing things that scare me, but for the most part, I stick with what I know. One thing this class has taught me is that doing something I NEVER thought I would like can lead to really fun things. Perhaps Follow the Fear means more than going and seeing; it's doing-- stepping out and participating. That's where I'm lacking; I'm most comfortable as a spectator, but I think the players are the ones having more fun.
Something to think about.
Also this week, Heather, Katie, and I went to Paint Nite. This is a thing I'd never done, and I was kind of anxious for it because I have perfectionist tendencies and I worried I wouldn't be happy with what I created. The thing about it though, is that the process of creating is much more important than the end result. I got to spend an evening with two great friends, talking and laughing together, in the presence of 30 other extremely supportive women and men who were there to have fun, just like we were. And that's why it was great! The atmosphere is so positive, and we're all fumbling idiots just trying our best and trying together. In the end, I was very happy with what I created-- I gave myself permission to do what I felt, instead of trying to make it perfect.
I've felt very supported this week. I'm learning that when you're surrounded by happy, encouraging people, you can't help but also be happy and encouraging. And who doesn't want a happy and encouraging person in their life? (I do. I want several.)
Anyway, that's where I am right now-- extremely gratefully for the people I get to spend my time with and happy to be ever-growing and ever-learning.
What a life we live.
I might sound like a broken record, but I'm here to talk about Improv again! (Because I literally just got home from it, and it's fresh on mind.) (I'm also feeling very proud of myself, and I'd like to bask in that before the inevitable self doubt plagues my sleep tonight.)
This week's class was amazing. We amped it up and only did one group game, then did nearly 2 hrs of straight up Improv-- just two people on a black stage, making up a story in front of other people. Do you know how exhilarating/terrifying that is?
The scenes started at 15 seconds, and when you haven't been on stage, 15 seconds feels like an eternity. Seriously, in my first scene, I was looking over at the guy with the timer, like, dude, I know time's up, I need you to call it.
Just when I thought I'd survived the worst of the night, they doubled the time we spent on stage. 30 seconds is (wait for it) even longer than 15. But I did it! (I even did it more than once, which is a big step forward for me.)
AND THEN THEY DOUBLE IT. And you have to play for a full minute. But it was so good! And once I'd be exposed to 15, then 30 seconds, 60 seconds no longer felt like it would never end. In fact, I was surprised when the timer guy told me to stop.
It truly was a good time. I think part of why it's so fun is that every single person in the room is entirely supportive of every choice you make on stage. (I honestly think that they're equally as uncomfortable as I am, but much better at hiding it.) We ended with a strange game where we could only talk in numbers, and it was meant to teach that it doesn't matter so much what you're saying, but how you say it and how committed you are to the scene.
Commitment was the theme of the class, and I'm confident I fully committed during those 2 hours and came out stronger on the other side.
I was looking at one of the teachers' tattoos while he was talking (low-key not listening and very distracted), and what it said may have changed my life. It was a ship wheel with a banner across the center that read, "Follow the Fear." I've heard similar things, like 'do what scares you', but I'd never seen it written that way. I'm still processing exactly what that could mean in my life (because it could mean very big things).
I think I'm sometimes good at doing things that scare me, but for the most part, I stick with what I know. One thing this class has taught me is that doing something I NEVER thought I would like can lead to really fun things. Perhaps Follow the Fear means more than going and seeing; it's doing-- stepping out and participating. That's where I'm lacking; I'm most comfortable as a spectator, but I think the players are the ones having more fun.
Something to think about.
Also this week, Heather, Katie, and I went to Paint Nite. This is a thing I'd never done, and I was kind of anxious for it because I have perfectionist tendencies and I worried I wouldn't be happy with what I created. The thing about it though, is that the process of creating is much more important than the end result. I got to spend an evening with two great friends, talking and laughing together, in the presence of 30 other extremely supportive women and men who were there to have fun, just like we were. And that's why it was great! The atmosphere is so positive, and we're all fumbling idiots just trying our best and trying together. In the end, I was very happy with what I created-- I gave myself permission to do what I felt, instead of trying to make it perfect.
We're so cute.
I've felt very supported this week. I'm learning that when you're surrounded by happy, encouraging people, you can't help but also be happy and encouraging. And who doesn't want a happy and encouraging person in their life? (I do. I want several.)
Anyway, that's where I am right now-- extremely gratefully for the people I get to spend my time with and happy to be ever-growing and ever-learning.
What a life we live.
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