Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Time

Hello!

This week's blog will be utterly boring and for that, I apologize. I haven't done a single interesting thing.

I was hanging out with some good friends last week at their house and I borderline idolize these guys. They are so cool. I think what makes them so cool is that they unapologetically like the things that they like. And I want to be like that. Does that make sense?

They make pottery and play a ton of instruments and listen to jazz and fly drones. Their house is a reflection of who they are as a family and it's so beautiful because it's interesting. It's who they are.

I know that technically we're all grown ups, but when I'm around them, I feel like a little kid who wants to be just like them when I grow up. I think I'm slowly getting there. I'm starting to learn what I like and do the things I enjoy, but finding those things is hard and kind of scary. I guess, how will you know what you like unless you try it? The thing is though, that trying things requires stepping outside that comfort zone and that's not easy.

Annnnndd, that concludes the things I've done lately. Get ready for a ramble.

I read once that the reason days seem to go by faster as you get older is purely mathematical. When you're ten and a year goes by, that one year is 1/10 of your life. A whole 10% of your total experience was had in that one year. However, when you're 50 and a year goes by, that one year is 1/50 of your life. A whole 2% of your total experience was had in that one year. 2% is considerably less than 10%. Each day is then a smaller and smaller part of the whole and seems to go by faster and faster.

This year especially, I truly feel that time is moving faster. It's amazing to me how often weekends come and go. I remember thinking Friday would never come, but nowadays, it surprises me that the week is already almost over.

I feel two ways about this-- firstly, how nice it is to have weekends so often, but also, how scary it is that my parts-of-the-whole will inevitably continue to get smaller. Do you think that's a good thing? Maybe, it means you've (probably) experienced more things, but I can't help but feel that it comes with some loss. (Of what? I don't know. Enthusiasm? Zest for life? Wonder?)

Sure, maybe everyday brings something new, but after 80 years of something new, does it get a bit mundane? I'm 56 years from knowing how 80 feels, but it worries me that sometime before then I'll lose... something. (Or maybe as the days get "shorter" I won't be able to appreciate them as I experience them? Or I won't have the same capacity then to appreciate the days as I do now? Does capacity-to-experience fade (or lessen)? Is there a limit-- can we infinitely experience?)

Maybe this isn't coming across the way I want it to. It's not so much that I think life will eventually be boring, it's that I can't wrap my mind around the changes that will come and how I'll feel when they do. That sentence feels more accurate. Time confuses the heck out of me.

I didn't figure out a single thing while writing that, and I cut so much of it because it didn't even make sense to me. Hopefully it was somewhat intelligible. Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

What a life we live(?).



Thursday, May 10, 2018

Growing

Hey, hey, hey.

Guys, what a week it has been!

Last I wrote, our final Improv class had passed, and it wasn't the greatest and I was terrrrrribly nervous about the Friday night show. It has come and gone, and by golly, I killed it!

Thursday, I was still pretty nervous, but it was manageable because I still had a day to prepare, but that night-- I couldn't fall asleep for anything. My heart was pounding so hard; the show was all I could think about.

Friday was the longest day ever. I was so anxious all morning. There was a period in the afternoon that I kind of forgot about the show and that was great-- I got a lot done. But then I remembered and was so, so nervous all over again. (And it was extra nervous, like I had to make up for the hours lost not being nervous.)

Right after work, I had to show a house, so I didn't get home until 5:30 and I had to be at the theatre at 6. This was probably a blessing because I had to rush home and get ready instead of going home and ruminating in my panic.

Heather pulled up to the theatre at the same time as I did, so that was comforting. I hadn't seen her since she'd had Charlie, so I was super glad she was there. Also, I needed the support. Once everyone from class had arrived, we talked over who would play what and how the show would go. At this point, I was dying.

About 30 minutes before the show, we went out behind the theatre and played some warm up games. That was so helpful! I really do like all of the people there, and playing games with them was strangely calming.

When we went back inside, we had a few minutes to hang out before we had to go backstage. And as I was standing there, I was ready. Yes, still nervous, but it was the manageable kind of nervous, not the debilitating kind. I felt good and confident.

The host introduced us and we went out dancing. The show was split into two halves. Each person played one game per half. My game went so well! People laughed with me! I didn't die! The people I was performing with were so funny and it was just amazing.

It really was the strangest thing-- there was a moment on stage when I removed myself for a second and realized that I didn't feel nervous right then. I felt in control. (I was so surprised by that.)

The second game went equally well, and before I knew it, the show was over. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am, but at the same time, I truly enjoyed doing it and am thankful that Heather encouraged me to take the classes in the first place. I can't praise the teachers enough. They do an excellent job of creating a safe, encouraging, and creative environment.



My mom came down for the show and I'm so glad she did. I feel a little more validated since someone actually witnessed me being hilarious on stage. Mom, Annie, and my friends Katie and Nicole, and I went out to dinner afterwards at my favorite pizza place, which made for a great ending to great night.

Saturday, Mom, Annie, and I went the Farmer's Market and spent a little time around town before heading to Arizona for the Colorado City Music Festival. This was their second year as a festival, and it was so, so good! I'll definitely be back next year.

I got terribly sunburnt, so that sucked, but honestly, it was such a good time. The artists were talented and the lineup was amazing. It was varied, but leaned towards the country side. Like I've said many times before, I love live music. The event was held up a canyon, in a park. The scenery in Southern Utah is unparalleled. Only a 60 minute drive from my home and I get to be in one of the most gorgeous parts of the world. How incredible is that?

Monday night I didn't have volleyball and tonight I didn't have improv, so I don't quite know what to do with myself. I ended up going to a weights class and then a Drum and Jazz Concert at one of the high schools.

What a life we live.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Slow

Hey there.

It's been raining here this week. Last week was beautiful-- blue skies, not a whisper of wind-- and by the time Saturday rolled around, the storm rolled with it. It was so stinking windy, and now this week has just been dreary and dull. Thankfully, it's supposed to clear up by this weekend, and I swear, it better not be windy on Saturday again. I've got plans! Be windy on a week day when I'm stuck at work!

Despite the wind, Saturday was still a very good day. Katie and I had breakfast at the Farmer's Market. This week's special was bacon and asparagus quiche. I loooove that quiche. It's perfect. Afterward, we strolled Main Street, got iced coffee, and browsed the stores. It's one of my favorite things to do on a lazy Saturday.

That night, we went to a small concert at the Improv Theatre. Gary Stockdale is a 2 time Emmy nominated musician with the voice of an angel. The concert was so much fun. I feel like I say that about every concert I go to, but seriously I just love live music. (I could have a good time even if they sucked, but they never do.) Plus he was funny! He and a Cedar local were on the stage with a piano and two guitars, and every song was beautiful, and I only cried once.

I enjoy small concerts like that because they're so intimate, but I do wish more people would show up. The only way theaters are going to be able to continue those kinds of shows is if people support them and by golly, I'm going to be there and support them.

Improv this week was not great for me, again, I was incredibly anxious about going, and then my scene partner and I absolutely bombed our scene. What we were doing was funny, I think, but it just wasn't the point of the game and ended up not being great. That was unfortunate, but I did learn something, and I think that's the point of these classes. Also, we're in a space that makes it ok to fail like that-- we're all here to learn-- so it wasn't so bad.

Our class has a show this Friday night and I'm so nervous. I haven't performed on a stage in this capacity ever in my entire life. I'm really, really excited, but really, really scared. I'll report more on that next week!

I'm happy to get this round of classes behind me. I can see improvement and I know that's it beneficial for me to continue, but it sure does take a lot out of me. The next round starts in June, so I'll have a nice little break. This doesn't mean that I'm not still loving it, because I am; it just means I need a few weeks to breathe. (Also! I'll get to go back to my favorite yoga and weights classes Wednesday nights!)

(Side story- I ran into one of the old ladies who takes the weights class, and we had a quick little chat about all the classes I've missed. I really like those ladies.)

Monday night was our last Spring volleyball game. We got to the very end of the tournament, and then ended up taking second. We were so disappointed because we played sloppily and getting that far and not winning is no fun. Even so, I'm happy to have had the opportunity to play with those girls. They're all so talented and passionate, and being in that environment every week in very fulfilling. Thankfully there's the fall season to look forward to-- I can't wait to play with them again!

I don't have much else to say. I try to do things throughout the week that are write-about-able, but this week, it just didn't happen. Next week's will be better I promise!

What a life we live ♡